


i rewind the tape, but all it does is pause (on the very moment all was lost)

by wyttoleff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Harry Potter, Bad Albus Dumbledore, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Die, M/M, Protective Minerva McGonagall, Protective Sirius Black, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Sirius Black is Harry Potter's Parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyttoleff/pseuds/wyttoleff
Summary: the realistic version of what went down on halloween night, 1981.or, sirius black does not go searching for peter pettigrew after he finds his best friend dead. some things are just more important than revenge (and that thing is his godson)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 189





	i rewind the tape, but all it does is pause (on the very moment all was lost)

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song evermore by taylor swift ft. bon iver

Halloween, 1981

The news was terrible. People across the country were in heartache over hearing of the tragic deaths of James and Lily Potter. News spread throughout the wizarding community like wildfire, especially when it concerned the war, and thousands of wizards and witches raised a glass of butterbeer in sorrow – to James and Lily Potter. 

For some, it was a particularly painful evening. 

Sirius Black rushed to Godric’s Hollow _before_ word got out. He’d been going about his business when he felt a sudden sense of dread fill his body, along with a compelling urge to go to Godric’s Hollow. The fidelity charm prevented him from knowing where James and Lily were hiding, but it came to him at once. Like the charm had been broken, and his friends were calling out to him. 

They weren’t, of course. 

When he arrived in the little village, he knew he was too late. He’d stopped his motorcycle right outside the Potter’s household, but their gate was open, and so was their front door, and the top of the house was damaged beyond repair. He fell to his knees. Sunk would’ve been a better word, really. The man crumbled right there by the fence. 

What happened after that, to Sirius Black, felt like an out of body experience. He shakily pulled himself off the ground, using the fence for better stability. Not knowing why, but also not really experiencing it as it happened, he forced himself to walk up the path to the Potter’s home. The door was only on one hinge, but he didn’t notice, for the moment he stepped inside the premises, his eyes fell upon a body.

Sirius faltered, nearly falling down once more, but he threw his weight to the side, clasping onto the banister for dear life. He could only see a leg, but he knew who it belonged to. James Potter’s lifeless corpse was laying at the very top of the staircase. Like he’d known what was coming, like he’d sacrificed himself to buy time for his wife. 

The climb up the stairs felt hours. Sirius felt like he was floating up each step. He only stopped when he was on the landing, beside the body of his best friend, and he dropped to the floor once more, crouching grievously over James’s body. His fingers were cold and numb, he didn’t feel James’s skin when he grasped his hand. If he had, he would’ve felt that it was still warm. His face was numb too, pins and needles plaguing his cheeks, though if he’d been able to feel them he’d have felt his own tears streaming down them. He only knew he was crying when he saw a teardrop fall onto James’s night shirt. 

Without expecting to speak, he whispered, “I’m sorry,” to James’s body, and his voice broke the ringing in his ears. It was followed by the sound of crying, but it wasn’t his own. He didn’t want to leave James, but he’d recognise that cry anywhere. 

Sirius was in Harry’s room, though he didn’t remember getting there. Baby Harry was crying in his cot, while his mother’s body lay on the ground in front of him. Again, Sirius stumbled at the sight of his friend’s corpse, falling into the wall for support. He had to get to the baby. 

“Harry,” he croaked out. “You’re okay.”

Sirius reached into the crib and pet Harry’s hair before lifting him out. Then he sunk to the floor, cradling the baby. Harry’s crying did not cease, and the sound of footsteps approaching only made him cry harder. Sirius’s hand shook as he removed his wand from his pocket. He was in no fit state to duel anybody, but there was a baby to protect, and if Voldemort was coming to finish him off then he’d have to get through Sirius first. 

Fortunately, as the footsteps rounded the corner of Harry’s doorway, so did Rubeus Hagrid, the person creating them. He was crying, just as Sirius and Harry were. And he started talking, but Sirius couldn’t make out his words over the sound of blood pounding in his ears, and Harry’s ragged breathing. Hagrid ducked into the room, and held out a large hand to help Sirius up. “Such a trage’y,” Hagrid was saying. “Poor James an’ Lily. They di’n’t deserve this.” And then, “Dumbledore wan’ed me to take th’ baby.”

“No,” Sirius refused, cradling Harry even closer to his chest. He didn’t remember speaking, nor did he remember holding his wand up to the half-giant, but he did remember briefly wondering if that was even Hagrid at all - if maybe it was one of _his_ followers disguised with polyjuice. Did polyjuice even work with half-giants? “No. I’m sorry, Hagrid, but if you want the kid, you’ll have to kill me.” It was too late for him to protect James and Lily, but he would be damned if he was going to hand their child over to anybody. He wouldn’t fail them a second time.

“Ye’ better come wit’ me then. Dumbledore’s go’ a plan. To protec’ th’ baby.”

There was a blank moment, in which Sirius had no idea what happened, but he must have agreed to go with Hagrid, because he remembered stepping back over James’s body, a lump rising in his throat. He remembered Dumbledore standing outside, right in the middle of the street in Godric’s Hollow. Professor McGonagall was beside him, and the moment Sirius got past the gate, there was a loud crack in the road. If Sirius had been looking, he’d have known it was Remus Lupin who appeared, but he didn’t find it out until there was a wand point in the crook of his neck. 

“What happened on Christmas night in our second year at Hogwarts?” Remus demanded, tears in his eyes. 

Sirius looked at him like a mirror. “I had a nightmare,” he answered blankly. It wasn’t the full story, but it seemed enough for Remus, who threw himself over Sirius and Harry. He’d had a nightmare and by their second year, James was taking care of him on those nights. He’d skulk over to James’s bed and slip under the covers. James was a mother hen, you see. But it was Christmas night, and James was with his parents for the holidays. Sirius didn’t start staying at the Potter’s for Christmas until third year, so he’d spent that Christmas alone with Remus while Peter and James were with their families. He woke up from his nightmare, expecting to deal with it by himself, but Remus was sitting in his own bed next to Sirius’s, looking at him, and after a moment, he opened his covers for Sirius. 

Now, he was crying into Sirius’s cloak, one hand gently caressing the back of Sirius’s where it was cradling Harry’s head. 

“It’s a tragedy, what happened here tonight. We’ve lost two brave souls, and the entire wizarding community will mourn for them. It is unclear what took place here, though it appears the Dark Lord has vanished,” Dumbledore was saying. Remus and Sirius weren’t listening. That was, until he continued, “Give the boy to me now, Sirius,” and his tone was soft and friendly. Sensitive, even. It’s the words that Sirius had trouble comprehending. 

“What?”

“He must go to live with his relatives now,” Dumbledore replied, a half baked explanation. 

“Albus, surely it would be wiser to let the boy stay with Sirius? He was closer to the Potter’s than anyone–“ McGonagall argued, but the old wizard put a hand up to silence her. 

“Harry has to be with his family now. It is the best path for him.”

“His family?” Sirius repeated. Remus knew to take a step back. “ _We’re his family._ Me and Remus are. We’ve been like second parents to him, I’m his _godfather_ , do you understand?” 

“Sir, surely it would be okay for us to have him? We’ve been there for him since birth… James and Lily were our dearest friends…” Remus added, voice slightly softer than Sirius’s, though he felt anger rising within just as well. They’ve both been there since _before_ birth. They’d been friends with both James and Lily for ten straight years. They were best men at their wedding, they were both there when Lily found out she was pregnant, _and_ when she went into labour. James was not there for that bit, he’d popped down the corner shop for some milk for their tea. Lily’s waters had broken all over the kitchen floor and she held Sirius’s hand as her contractions started, and in turn, Sirius grasped Remus’s hand, squeezing just as hard as Lily was squeezing his. James’s trip to the store seemed hours, Lily was about ready to give birth on the kitchen floor. When James finally got home, he dropped the milk bottle on the floor and it smashed. He could’ve pushed Sirius out of the way and taken his place but he didn’t. He just took Lily’s other hand, and Sirius’s so that they could all be each other’s pain relief while Remus contacted their midwife from St Mungo’s. Lily had given birth on the sofa in the end (transfigured into a bed by Remus who was the only one with any competence left). 

“Yes, I do understand. Alas, Harry has blood relatives in the country–“

“If you’re referring to Petunia Evans, you can bloody well sod off!” Sirius whisper-shouted so as to not upset the baby. “She is not his family. She disowned Lily! She hated Lily for being a witch and she broke Lily's heart when she refused to attend the wedding. Petunia _hates_ us. She hates what we are, what Harry is. She’ll only hurt him!”

“Sir, Sirius and I will take great care of Harry. We’ll treat him as our own,” Remus pleaded, eyes welling up with tears once more. 

“I’m sorry,” Dumbledore said. “I can’t allow it. It’s best that Harry lives with the muggles, you see. The Dark Lord is gone, yes… for now. It’s for his own safety.”

Sirius shifted, turning his body away from Dumbledore to shield Harry from any attempt he might make to grab him. “I’m sorry Professor, really I am. I’ve always respected you, you must know that, but I’m afraid if you want Harry, you’ll have to kill me,” Sirius told him fiercely, repeating what he’d said earlier to Hagrid. 

Remus stepped in front of them. “And me,” he added, putting a hand behind his back and grabbing Sirius by the hand. Then, he apparated. 

The moment his feet touched the ground, Sirius was smacking Remus away. He held his wand up apprehensively. “Should’ve done this earlier. Sorry, Moony, I’m sure you understand. In fifth year, why was I suspended from the Quidditch team for a whole term?”

“For being dumb as hell. I told you and James to wait for me. Despite practise after practise neither of you could get the sodding spell right. And yet, you went anyway. Ended up dying the entire kitchens and everything in it blue... including yourselves. If you'd have just waited for me to finish my homework.” Sirius might have gotten away with a few weeks of detention, except that would mean neither of the two boys would be able to play in the upcoming Quidditch match against Slytherin. So Sirius took the blame, said James had nothing to do with it and somehow convinced McGonagall that he managed to dye himself blue in an entirely separate incident. Any other teacher simply wouldn't have taken the bait and might have even taken Sirius off the team on top of the detentions, just for lying, but McGonagall was a Gryffindor in her heart and soul, and she wanted her team to beat Slytherin as much as they did. Sirius's absence wouldn't have done too much damage, their stand in beater was magnificent, but without their star chaser, they'd have slim chance of winning. "For someone who couldn't help but get into trouble, you sure did get James out of it a lot," Remus commented nostalgically.

"Would you like me to recall the times I got you out of trouble, Moons?" Sirius nodded in acceptance of Remus's answer, then turned to look at the place Remus had apparated them to. “Where are we? And by the way,” he smacked Remus’s arm. “Don’t do that when I’ve got Harry. You startled me! Anything could’ve happened.”

“Pads, you were holding onto him like he’s the only thing keeping you alive. You weren’t going to let anything happen to him. But sure, I’ll give notice next time,” he promised, pushing open the gate to the little house. “This is my mum's house. Was. It’s been abandoned since mum died.”

Sirius had never seen the place Remus used to live. All the times he saw Remus outside of Hogwarts, they were usually at the Potter’s house, or even Peter’s. Sometimes Lily’s – that’s how Sirius knew he’d rather die than see Harry live with Petunia Evans and her ghastly boyfriend. He had no idea if they’d wed, but he did remember Lily mentioning that Petunia was expecting around the same time she was. She’d been upset because she’d heard the news from her mother. Petunia refused to speak with her. 

Technically, Remus broke into the house. He didn’t have a key, but the window was already smashed, so he put his arm through and opened the lock. “We’ll have to put up protection spells and wards, of course. We should do that right away.”

“Do you think Dumbledore will come for us?” Sirius asked, entering the house. Harry made a distressed sound, so he started bouncing him up and down gently in his arms. “It’s alright Prongslet, we can take him. Can’t we, Moons? He’s old, we could take him in a fight?”

“A fist fight perhaps,” Remus replied, and made a start on protecting the house. “But no. I don’t think he’ll come for us. He’s off his rocker, but he’s not evil. He knows full well we can give Harry a better life than the muggles.”

“Right. What was he thinking anyway? Putting our little Harry with that wretched lot. If James was here he’d…” 

“Yeah,” Remus breathed out shakily. 

“We have to go back.”

“What?”

“We can’t just leave their bodies there, Remus. It’s… it’s wrong. They shouldn’t be there.”

“Ok, so we go back and get their bodies, then what? We sit in here with two bodies and a baby?” Remus sighed, put up the final ward and turned to Sirius. Both of them were still sporting shiny eyes and red cheeks. Harry’s eyes had dried, but his cheeks were still red. Remus looked down at him in Sirius’s arms. 

“Moomy,” Harry suddenly cried, holding his arms out to Remus. He still couldn’t quite pronounce his N’s. 

Sirius obliged, offering the kid for Remus to take, and he did. “It’s alright kid,” Remus reassured him, kissing the top of his head. “Dumbledore will take care of it. We weren’t their only friends, you know. Dumbledore respected James and Lily. We can have a funeral in a few days… Tonight can we just… Can we just pretend… Please, Sirius, I can’t just…” 

Sirius stepped forward, mirroring Remus’s actions. He wrapped his arms around his friend, pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s head and then another to Remus’s forehead. “Alright. Calm down,” he whispered, reaching a hand up to his face and wiping his own tears before promptly doing the same to Remus. “Tonight we… we eat. We keep Harry entertained. We keep him safe. From now on, Re, we gotta live for him. Can you do that?”

“Yeah. Yes, I can do that.”

…

That night, there was mourning across the wizarding community, but it came hand in hand with utter rejoice. The Dark Lord was indeed gone. It was a celebration worthy revelation. The war was over. 

The war was over, that was true. The Ministry caught several of the followers of You-Know-Who when they tried to flee after hearing of their leader’s disappearance. And the following weeks were crucial to the end of the war. Many incarcerated Death Eaters gave up their peers in desperation over a less brutal punishment. October 31st 1981 was the first victory of many. The war was over.

But for Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Harry Potter, something worse had begun. 

15 month old Harry Potter would have to live the rest of his life without his parents. Remus Lupin had to live the rest of his life with only one best friend instead of four. And as for Sirius Black, well… he’d pretty much just lost the only family he’d ever known.

The following weeks were important for Remus and Sirius as well. Not only were they realising that parenthood was a lot harder than James and Lily made it seem, but they were also doing their utmost to catch the man who betrayed them all. Peter Pettigrew, James and Lily’s secret keeper, had given up their location to Voldemort. 

After spending the night of October 31st, 1981 together with Harry in Remus’s parent’s old place, Remus and Sirius got to work. With the baby safe in Sirius’s arm, the pair flooed to the Ministry of Magic and headed straight for the Aurors Department. They sat down with Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt and told him about Peter Pettigrew, and how he was the secret keeper for James and Lily, and how he was the one who sold them out. He was just as responsible for their deaths as Voldemort. 

Though Sirius did find himself brimming with guilt. It was he who volunteered Peter, after all. It was he who suspected that Remus's growing distance from them signified that he'd secretly switched sides. It was... It was Peter who feebly suggested one night, that perhaps it was the werewolves who had recruited their friend, that Remus might not have wanted it, but there was a darkness inside him that he couldn't control, a darkness with loyalty to the werewolf pack. 

“I never considered that Wormtail would rather see his friends die if it meant protecting his own life. I should’ve known! He’s always been a coward!” Sirius shouted furiously. Furious at himself. Unfortunately, the baby took his anger to heart and started to wail.

Remus held his arms out for Harry, and Sirius handed him over compliantly. “It wasn’t your fault. Having faith in someone is not a flaw. You were doing what you thought would best protect them. The only person to blame for this is Peter.”

Having faith in someone... Sirius wanted to throw up. His faith should've been with Remus. “If I’d have taken the oath… Harry would still have both of his parents,” Sirius whispered. “They’d be alive.”

“And you’d be dead,” Kingsley said firmly, but it didn’t have the effect he intended. Sirius would’ve died happily to protect the Potter’s. He would’ve done so with a smile because he’d have known they were safe. “What’s done is done. All we can do now is our best to keep the kid safe, and to find Pettigrew. Sit down, Black, we need to work together here. Otherwise it’s all for nothing.”

Sirius sat back down in the chair in front of Kingsley’s desk, beside Remus. He held out his hand to Harry, who wrapped his entire fist around Sirius’s pinky finger. “Pat…” Harry gurgled, his unsuccessful attempt at calling his godfather ‘Padfoot’. 

Sirius smiled sadly at the baby. “Alright,” he agreed with Kingsley. “What do you need us to do?”

“You were friends with Pettigrew for ten years. Where might he have gone? If he wanted to hide?” Kingsley asked, and Sirius grimaced, turning to look at him.

Then he looked over at Remus. “I suspect he’s turned into his animagus form and scurried off into the nearest forest,” he answered truthfully, furrowing his eyebrows in an unspoken apology to whatever opening this can of worms might unveil.

Kingsley frowned, blatantly confused as he pulled a stack of papers, paper clipped together, out from a drawer in his desk. He flicked through it quickly, and Sirius or Remus could’ve saved him the trouble of checking, but they didn’t. “Peter Pettigrew isn’t on the registry…”

“No. He isn’t,” Remus confirmed bleakly. “He’s an illegal animagus. He takes the form of a rat.”

“That’s…” Kingsley’s eyebrows furrowed, and Sirius and Remus could almost see his exact thought process. “That’s why you call him Wormtail.” And the complete misfortune of it all was that Kingsley had gone to school with them. “Moony…? Padfoot…? Prongs…?” He looked to the baby, who was now pulling Sirius’s hand towards his face to suck on his pointer finger. “You know what… I’m going to do you both a favour and not ask,” he said, and it occurred to Sirius that it was only for Harry’s sake that Kingsley was willing to let it go. It was pity, something Sirius was not so used to just yet, but he was sure Harry would be when he grew up. “Thanks for telling me about Pettigrew’s illegal animagus form, I’m sure it’ll shed lightyears of our searching time. Now we know he’ll probably be a rat when we find him, is there anywhere in particular he might go?”

“Honestly, he could go anywhere. He’s a rat, he can hide anywhere, blend in anywhere,” Remus said unhelpfully.

“Right, well. Okay. Thanks for coming in. We’ll keep searching for him, and we will let you know any updates as soon as we get them. Make sure you’re available for contact.”

In the end, they did find Peter Pettigrew. It was nearly midnight on November 13th, and Kingsley had caught onto Wormtail’s hiding place. He was, in actual fact, hiding out in a forest - the Forest of Dean. Kingsley kept his promise and alerted Sirius and Remus as soon as they had a lead on Pettigrew’s whereabouts. Remus hadn’t wanted Sirius to go with Kingsley and his team of aurors, but at the same time he couldn’t stop him. There was no stopping Sirius Black once he had his mind set on something, and Remus had learned that the hard way. Besides, he couldn’t find it within himself to even try to talk Sirius out of it. He just sat down on the only chair in the kitchen that still had all four legs, sat Harry on his lap, arms securely around him, and said, “Come home. That’s your top priority, do you understand me? I want to kill him too, I know, but we’re all Harry’s got. You come home.”

“I will. Promise.” 

“And if something goes wrong… if he retaliates or finds a way out… you come straight home. Let the aurors handle him. I want him dead, Sirius, but if the price is your life, then it’s too high. I would rather see Peter living a life of luxury in flaming Guadaloupe if the price of his death is you. I can’t lose you and neither can Harry. So come home.”

Sirius wouldn’t say he didn’t mean to… he did mean it, he just hadn’t realised he was going to until it was already done. He crouched in front of Remus and the baby, held Harry’s tiny hand in his, kissed his forehead gently and then put his own forehead to Remus’s. “I will come home,” he swore, and ducked down to kiss Remus on the lips. “I’ll be back before you know it.” And then, he apparated away, red faced.

“You look awfully cheerful, considering where we’re headed,” Kingsley noted. Sirius approached him. They were standing at the edge of the forest, and Sirius could see a few aurors already among the trees. “Are you…” Kingsley looked at him as he stepped closer. “Are you _blushing?”_

“No,” Sirius denied, his smile falling into solemnity. “It’s just freezing out here. C’mon, let’s get this over with.”

“Our sources tell us he’s a few miles in. We’ve got barriers at the edge of the forest - shouldn’t be too hard to steer any muggles away. Now, before we go in, I have a duty to inform you that, as you are not an auror, it is imperative that you not get involved in the fight. I shouldn’t even have let you come, but I talked to my superiors and they agreed that a familiar face might settle the situation.”

“You think he’ll feel guilty?”

“Potentially.”

“Not bloody likely. He’ll be scared. He’ll do whatever he can to get away.”

“We’ll get him. But what’s more important is your safety. You’ve got the responsibility of a kid now… I don’t want to have to visit Remus tonight with bad news.”

“Alright… alright,” Sirius agreed, hypothesising the situation in his head. He could picture Remus answering the door… his face falling… “I’ll stay back.”

He did not stay back.

Peter Pettigrew had never been very good with magic. There were times when he’d sulk in the dorm all day, telling the boys how he often felt like a squib with a magic wand. There had been moments when he surprised all of them, but not by performing some intricate, delicate, complicated magic… he’d manage to transfigure his mug into a hamster in McGonagall’s class and they’d praise him like he just invented a spell to cure death. But somehow, this complete lack of magical skill was his advantage on this night. The aurors had found him scurrying through the dead leaves scattered across the forest, and Kingsley hit him with the spell that turned him back into his human form. He looked terrified, as predicted. And as predicted, he lashed out. He only tried to disarm Kingsley, and somehow set off an explosion that threw back the entire team of aurors.

Luckily, Sirius was keeping his word and staying back. He was completely out of reach of the explosion, and once he saw Peter about to make a run for it, he ran top speed and jumped at him, throwing his entire body over Peter’s. Then he had the advantage of being averagely fit for his age. Peter Pettigrew was short and dumpy, as he had always been, and Sirius pinned him easily. He could’ve stopped there, and he might’ve… Peter had dropped his wand in fright when Sirius leapt at him. He could’ve simply sat on top of his old friend and waited for Kingsley to regain consciousness, but he couldn’t find it within himself to leave Peter completely unharmed. James was dead because of him. Lily was dead because of him. Harry was an orphan.

And still, he might’ve managed to keep his temper to just a mean glare, but then Peter started talking, fear lacing his voice. His teeth were chattering on every word. “I didn’t mean to,” he cried, “I didn’t mean to! Please, Sirius… What would you have done? He was going to kill me, what would you have done?” he begged. 

Sirius’s temper grew, and he threw his first punch, fist catching on Peter’s jaw. “I would’ve died!” he shouted, and continued to punch at Peter’s face. “I would’ve died rather than betray my friends!”

By the time Kingsley had successfully pulled Sirius away, Peter’s nose was pouring with blood. It was broken as well, and there was a bloody gash on the side of his cheek. He’d surely bruise later. 

“ _Go home,”_ Kingsley told Sirius sternly. “You’re lucky I don’t arrest you for battery.”

“James is _dead._ He’s lucky I didn’t do worse.”

“Go home,” Kingsley repeated, and Sirius obliged, apparating out of the forest with a _crack._

He didn’t apparate directly into the house he and Remus were staying at, even though the protection wards would’ve allowed it. It was late, and he had no doubts that Remus had put Harry down to sleep, and he didn’t want to risk upsetting the baby. Nor did he want to risk Remus’s wrath if he had to get Harry to sleep again. Parenting was difficult. 

Sirius apparated into an alleyway a few roads away from the house. He stopped in the convenience store and bought those weird muggle crisps Remus liked to eat and picked up some gummy bears for himself. Plus a pack of nappies. 

He entered the house quietly, making sure not to slam the front door on his way in. As suspected, Harry was not with Remus, but the baby monitor was. It was tucked under his arm as he lay sleeping on the sofa. Sirius didn’t know whether to wake him or throw a blanket over him. In the end, it didn’t matter. He accidentally stepped on the loud floorboard and the creak woke Remus anyway. 

“Padfoot?” he asked, voice groggy with sleep. “You’re home.”

“I promised you I would be.”

“I know, but I thought you might’ve been arrested or worse. Did you find Peter?” Remus sat up on the sofa and out the baby monitor on the coffee table. “Whose blood is that?”

Sirius looked down at his coat and found a splatter of blood across the collar. “Oh, that’s probably why the shopkeeper was eyeing me suspiciously…”

“Is it yours?”

“No. I suspect it’s Peter’s. We found him. He accidentally let off an explosion trying to escape, and I was the only one who missed the blast… he went to run for it so I pinned him.”

“And punched him some too, it seems,” Remus acknowledged, standing up and walking to the kitchen. Sirius followed. “Good. Has he been arrested?”

“I would assume so,” Sirius answered, holding out his hands for inspection. Remus found an old first aid kit under the sink and started the tap. Sirius jumped up to sit on the edge of the worktop. “Kingsley made me leave so I didn’t actually see the arrest, but there’s no way Wormy could’ve escaped in the state I left him.”

“Good,” Remus said again, and grabbed Sirius’s wrists, guiding his hands under the warm stream of water. “It’s the least he deserves. I hope he rots in Azkaban. I hope he never sees the light of day again. I hope he sees James’s face every time he closes his eyes, and remembers he’s the reason he’s dead.”

“I agree but I also think you’re cutting off the blood supply to my hands,” Sirius noted, and Remus let go of him. “Thanks.”

“You know…” Remus started speaking in a rather different tone than before. Softer and lighter. Quieter. He tore open an antiseptic wipe and brushed it over Sirius’s knuckles. “You kissed me earlier.”

“And?” Sirius replied, wincing from the wipe. “You let me.”

“Right, but if we’re being honest, I would’ve let you kiss me for the past eight years at least.”

“Really? You never said.”

Remus stayed silent, but he gently kissed the cuts on Sirius’s knuckles, and that action said more than he didn’t. 

“You should’ve said…” Sirius whispered, slipping off the worktop. He put his hands on Remus’s sides, and Remus put his own on Sirius’s arms. “I would’ve kissed you sooner.” He solidified this claim with a kiss, smooth and gentle. His lips were just warming up from the cold November weather, and Remus’s felt like fire against his. 

And then, a cry sounded from the baby monitor in the living room. Sirius broke the kiss and leaned his forehead on Remus’s cheek. “Harry,” he acknowledged. “I’ll go.”

“No,” Remus said as Sirius began to pull away. He tugged him back in for another short kiss. “You stay here and wrap your knuckles. I’ll see to the kid and then you can come to bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to comment (: all feedback is appreciated


End file.
